ORLANDO, FL—Taking stock of anything on the shelves that looked remotely fatty, fried, or processed, local woman Abby Harding reportedly threw away all the food in the grocery store Wednesday so she wouldn’t be tempted. “Oh no, no, no, I know myself—if I have entire aisles of chips, cookies, and ice cream just lying around, I won’t have any self-control,” said Harding, who after reading the nutritional facts on several packaged goods, proceeded to walk down the aisles and throw everything that looked remotely tasty into a giant dumpster out back. “I know it’s kind of a waste, but if there are 30 packs of Oreos on the shelf tempting me, I’m 100% going to eat every single one of them. Oh my god, there are how many calories in a bag of Ruffles? Jesus. This whole chip aisle has to go.” At press time, sources said Harding looked in the produce section, couldn’t find anything that looked appetizing, and opted to buy 400 combo meals from McDonald’s instead.
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