Women Explain Why Men Under 30 Are Unfuckable

“Hardly any guys have the necessary numbers of cattle, goats, and horses to give to my father for a proper dowry.”

“They have no manners. What ever happened to ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in between thrusts?”

“They all grew up watching porn so they have unrealistic expectations of how many tentacles women should have.”

“They’re always covered in playground sand.”

“Unless you can get me going with a riveting tale of the action your unit saw during the Battle of the Bulge, I’m not interested.”

“All of their dirty talk is MrBeast-related and I don’t know who that is.”

“They just haven’t been the same since...the accident...”

“They tend to last a very long time, and I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Every time I try to explain this, a man under 30 interrupts me to offer his own explanation.”

“Why put out if there’s no Chili’s senior discount involved?”

“It’s illegal because you might accidentally damage the soft part of their skull.”

“Their moms have been taking way too long to pick them up after we’re done.”

“Men don’t get good at sex until they reach their late 70s.”

“Whenever I scream, ‘Who wants to give momma a baby?’ at the bar, they all avoid me.”

“Every guy I’ve dated falls asleep to the Joe Rogan podcast.”

“Don’t have any feelings whatsoever about Yu-Gi-Oh!.”

“They won’t stop talking about crypto. Neither will older men, but at least they have money.”

“Younger men haven’t fully realized how to manipulate me into loving them yet.”