The tradwives movement, which has recently exploded on TikTok, is composed of young women who espouse the joys of adhering to traditional family values in a patriarchal marriage. The Onion asked women why they decided to become tradwives, and this is what they said.
“I wanted to live all my internalized misogyny, not just dream about it.”
“I believe in choosing a marital structure from an arbitrary point in human history and pretending it represents some kind of inviolable rule.”
“I just couldn’t resist the raw sexual magnetism of an antisocial dipshit who gets all his information from podcast clips on YouTube.”
“I’m gonna be responsible for a bulk of the childcare and housework either way. Might as well find some identity in it.”
“After five years with LuLaRoe, I really wanted to be part of something cultlike again, but I don’t have any more storage space for essential oils or whatever.”
“No sense in letting my 40 identical gingham blouses go to waste.”
“This was the easiest way to embed myself undercover with a white supremacist leader.”
“I tried having autonomy once, and it wasn’t for me.”
“It’ll make sense once you hear my theories about global pedophilia.”
“Any questions for my wife go through me.”
“My brand manager suggested it.”
“Replenishing the white race is a full time job in itself.”
“I wasn’t a good enough cook to make it as an influencer without some other hook.”
“I love that all I have to do every day is a little dusting and meal prep in between fucking my next-door neighbor.”
“I was shrunk and now live in a dollhouse, and it’s the only lifestyle suited to dollhouse living.”
“I always dreamed of becoming a sex doll that does chores.”
“A feminist cut me off in traffic once.”
“Sorry, I don’t have opinions anymore.”