SANTA CLARA, CA—Saying it would be an honor to help the world-changing social media company in even a small way, working-class residents of Silicon Valley started a campaign Tuesday begging Onion Social to demolish their homes for its new corporate headquarters. “Please, this is the least we can do—we would gladly surrender our homes, our livelihoods, and our bodies for your amazing company,” said activist leader Jorge Caballero, who claimed residents have already begun smashing their possessions and hiring bulldozers to clear space for construction in a show of absolute devotion and support for the social media network. “We fought Facebook and Google, but we would love to surrender our homes to Onion Social. To think that my house could be the site of your company’s gym or parking lot—we simply could not live with ourselves if we stood in the way of progress. Take our land, please. We want nothing in return, no money. Knowing that we supported Onion Social is worth more than anything you could give us.” At press time, a Santa Clara referendum to level the entire city had passed with 99.7 percent of the vote.


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