Luis Suarez
Strengths: Knows racial slurs in nine languages; Sharp molars in lower jaw; Obliviousness to social norms and basic human decency allows him to really focus on playing soccer
Weakness: Has trouble adapting game to civilized society
Nicknames: Asshole, Prick, Piece Of Shit, Cheating Fuck, Racist Fuck, Cheating Racist Fuck
Claim To Fame: Will really go the extra mile to be a dick
Pet Peeve: Other people
Biggest Secret: Feels absolutely nothing while listening to Uruguay’s national anthem before kickoff
Role Models: Lance Armstrong, Alex Rodriguez
Punishment For Racially Abusing, Biting Other Players: Millions of dollars in sponsorships, starting spot on Liverpool FC and Uruguayan national team
Any Remorse For Way He Conducts Himself As A High-Profile Professional Athlete: Nope
Fun Fact: Fuck him