MORRISTOWN, AZ—Pouring into the streets to celebrate the passing of the viral internet sensation, the entire world populace let out a cheer upon learning Grumpy Cat and her shitty attitude had finally died and would stay dead forever, sources confirmed Friday. “Thank God we don’t have to deal with that asshole cat and her reign of negativity anymore,” said Cleveland-area social media user Candice Butler, one of 7.3 billion people who reportedly began to smile and walk with a bit more pep in their step as soon as the loathed feline—known for continually sulking and bringing everyone down—had been confirmed dead. “For years, Grumpy Cat has shown up everywhere online, poisoning our lives with her sour disposition and making us feel stupid for liking anything. Who was she to be so whiny and cynical about the world? She made millions of dollars just by sitting there and glowering. I’m relieved I’ll never have to see her stupid shit-eating frown ever again. Good fucking riddance.” At press time, reports indicated that thousands were lined up at the local pet cemetery where Grumpy Cat has been interred, each awaiting their turn to piss on her grave.
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