THE OCEANS—Claiming the underwater explorers were wrongfully placed behind bars, the world’s great white sharks called Monday for the immediate release of all caged scuba divers. “These poor divers, who are held frightened and alone in these tiny cages, must be set free without delay,” said great white spokes-shark Niles Chamberlain, calling the isolation and psychological torment the divers experienced in the cages completely inhumane. “Are we not all God’s creatures? Why then do we allow the oppressed scuba divers to languish in their cages? They have no room to swim, they are trapped. Release them, release them now.” At press time, the activist sharks reportedly began encircling the cages, thrashing, and trying to break out the scuba divers.