JERUSALEM—Talking of the deep satisfaction they feel when slipping on a gilded robe and chilling out with devotees, world leaders from Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and every other major religion admitted Friday that they just love getting to wear frilly little gowns and having a blast. “Yeah, what can I say? We just love wearing our cool dresses, lighting candles, and singing along with the crowd. It’s awesome,” said eastern orthodox elder Maikls Balodis, who claimed that every imam and priest in the world loves nothing more than prancing around on stage and putting on a fun show for worshipers while decked out in jewels and big ornate hats. “People give you tons of money, and you get to drink wine from crazy-ass gold chalices. The gowns all have cool designs and pretty chains and necklaces to wear with them. Everybody claps for you, too. We’re just hanging out and having the time of our lives.” Balodis added that dressing up and partying was so much fun that he takes part in the festivities despite getting no real spiritual satisfaction from his job.

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