Worst Arguments People Make Against Switching To Renewable Energy

Despite a concerted push by climate activists to phase out fossil fuels, many Americans—especially elected officials—remain hesitant. Here are the worst arguments people make against switching to renewable energy.

We’d Have To Find Other Sources Of Pollution

We’d essentially be abandoning the most reliable sources of poisoning the environment and would have to start over from scratch.

It’s Making The Lobbyist From ExxonMobil Sad

Look at him. He’s really bummed out about this. What if we held off switching over to renewable energy for a little while longer, just until he’s feeling better?

The Sun Would Control Fuel Prices

We worry about Saudi dominance over oil, but the sun will literally have 100% control over solar and could manipulate the supply at will.

The Symbolism Of Smokestacks

When people see smokestacks belching filth into the air, they know factories are at work manufacturing the American Dream. Don’t take that away from them.

We’re Too Close To Depleting All Of Earth’s Coal To Stop Now

Wait until you hear about how much wind there is.

Sea Otter Overpopulation

If oil spills don’t periodically kill off otter populations, we’ll be waist-deep in those little guys.

They’re Pretty Tired Today

Are you serious? This has been on the calendar for weeks.

It Will Kill Jobs

To be perfectly honest, we never should have built an industry around canary burials in the first place.

They Just Got A Sweet Gig Scrubbing Oil Off Marine Animals

Whatever they’re paying you, we’ll double it.

Preference To Walk Around In Old Timey Pajamas With A Candlestick In A Holder

People would much rather walk around in their pinstripe nightgown and matching hat with a lit candlestick instead of switching to solar. Sorry.

They Just Bought An Oil Derrick

Just because you set up a massive apparatus to pump the oil from underneath your driveway doesn’t mean renewables are bad in general.

Wind Farms Don’t Harm Enough Birds

Many a Sunday morning has been ruined by the incessant squawking of the bird. Whatever the death toll of wind power, it should be a lot higher.

The Wind Doomed The Hindenburg And It’ll Doom Us Too

Come on, it was clearly a pilot error.

Not Wanting To Admit This Fucking Hippie Was Correct

No one wants this dirty hippie to feel vindicated, but when you’re right, you’re right.

This Military Burn Pit Works Just Fine

Okay, but then what are you gonna do after the ammunition, waste, and toxins run out?

Even If We Switch To All Electric Vehicles, We’ll Still Need To Produce Gasoline To Drink

With the rise of this argument, it’s become increasingly apparent that large parts of the population are drinking gasoline.

Less International Turmoil

Without the ever-changing prices of global commodities, political science majors around the world would be falling asleep in lecture halls as we approach world peace.

Wind Turbines Can Spin So Fast They Get Lifted Right Out Of The Ground, Go Flying Through The Air, And Come Down On Top Of Someone, Slicing Them Into Bits

A largely specious argument as this has only been documented occurring a few dozens times.