Worst Mistakes You Can Make At A Company Holiday Party

Trust us, you never want to be that person. Here are the worst mistakes you can make at a company holiday party.

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Start A Family With A Coworker

The open bar made marrying and having children with your office crush seem like a good idea, but now it’s the next morning and you’re terrified of awkwardly bumping into the person with whom you just brought a baby girl into the world.

Gossip Unless It’s About Stuff Everyone Already Knows

Gossip is bad form at holiday parties unless you’re talking about things like Darryl and Claudia’s affair, which is the most obvious thing in the world.

Enjoy Yourself

This will only signal to higher-ups that there is still happiness within you that can be drained away starting first thing tomorrow morning.

Lay Off 10% Off Your Workforce

Although you vowed to do it before the end of the year, try to hold off until Monday, as doing it during the toast may quickly dampen the mood.

Kiss The Office Dog

Although you two are close, know that it’s going to be super awkward when the dog runs past your cubicle the morning after the party.

Eat A Roast Turkey In Front of Salivating Employees

As the wealthy head of the company, you should do the right thing and eat your delicious meal in the privacy of your own home, where you won’t have to look at the hungry, miserable faces of your employees.

Fight Your Direct Supervisor

If you’re going to go out in a blaze of glory, target the company president instead.

Get So Drunk You Form Interpersonal Relationships With Coworkers

Once bonds are created, they can be incredibly difficult to dissolve.

Giving A Six-Hour Lecture On How “Christmas” Evolved From Pagan Winter Solstice Celebrations

No way you can cover all the relevant material in less than eight. And remember to build in time for questions!

Eat More Than Can Fit In A Football Helmet

Yes, the buffet is free, but you’re really not supposed to eat more than can fit in a standard NFL helmet, so bring your own if you’re not certain your company will provide one.

Go On One Of Your Rants About The Shriners

You’ve been asked not to bring it up again, and you don’t get a pass just because you’re technically not on the clock.

Accuse The Office Santa Of Sleeping With Your Spouse

By the time you realize Santa is actually your boss in disguise and not the same Santa from the mall, it’ll already be too late to apologize.

Fall Overboard

The company was nice enough to treat everyone to a party cruise and an open bar, so don’t ruin the good vibes by falling overboard and getting lost at sea.