Worst Things You Can Say To A Child Living Through The Pandemic

This isn’t really comforting.

No need to remind them that the hell won’t end even when they’re mommies and daddies.

Lying never helped anyone.

Time isn’t real anymore, you fool.

Don’t scare your child by telling them the time has come to beg the Almighty for forgiveness.

TV has brought them plenty of happiness.

Aren’t they stressed enough without you dragging them into your gambling debts?

In this instance, time is a better teacher than just merely saying what will happen.

Children hate small talk.

You know this is going to end in tears.

Please, they might as well just write about what their high school volleyball team taught them about adversity.

Heartbreaking as it might be to have seen your definitive statement as an auteur filmmaker torn apart in the press, this child likely has very little familiarity with the Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, let alone Wright’s latest drama.

Well meaning, but your kid didn’t need you to remind them they’re a total dud.

Reminding your child that the White House took free community college off the table is likely only going to cause your kindergartner to throw a fit.

Now you’re just being mean.

Fanciful stories like this might seem like a nice distraction, but ultimately dark tales can often heighten anxiety in times like this, not alleviate it.

Never tell a child that just the thought of an ICU causes you to giggle.

This is just cruel. Children are already jealous enough of adults without you bringing up this sort of thing.

Don’t go out of your way to tell a child that, technically, agonizing death still isn’t off the table.

No matter how strong or brave your child is, the last thing they want their parents to do is burst in the room and announce that they’ve died of Covid.

Revealing the secrets of the strange and sometimes grim process of cyclical aging is too much for a child that young.

Social distancing is hard enough without you bringing in a photo from 1992 to rub it in.

You can’t help it that they’re just really fun to bully. The mask can only do so much!

Relax, everyone there was masked and vaxxed.

There’s no use comparing suffering.

They didn’t before, and saying this now is just going to show the child that you were a credulous dipshit before the pandemic made you think about the conditions in which you live for the very first time.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Children of these times will probably experience several more 9/11-level tragedies.

Your child will never sleep again once you tell them the legend of Fauci, an evil monster who climbs through windows and eats bad children’s brains.

Motor control is still in development for children under 3.