MILWAUKEE—Following numerous reports of riders looking concerned, bystanders were reportedly assured Wednesday that it would take a hell of a lot more than this to snap the cable, according to a man jumping in the elevator. “These cables are built to handle a little turbulence like this, no problem,” said local man Ken Ranganathan, repeatedly launching into the air and landing hard on both feet with a loud bang of his shoes, marveling at the sturdiness of the machinery to another rider, who frantically hammered at the button corresponding to an upcoming floor until it stopped and let him out. “It’s not like this will do anything, don’t worry. This puppy is American made. That means it can take a licking and keep on ticking—woo hoo! Says right there on the inspection slip that it can handle up to 2,100 pounds—what are you, miss, about a buck fifty? We’d need, like, seven more guys, easy, to make a dent. Come on, jump with me.” At press time, security cameras appeared to show Ranganathan cheering as he violently heaved himself from wall to wall without the elevator swaying so much as an inch.
