BREVARD COUNTY, FL—Trying to hold back laughter while explaining how the garments were knit out of “proprietary NASA materials that are specially optimized for zero gravity,” Buzz Aldrin was reportedly selling a pair of old gym socks for $500,000 to a complete sucker Thursday, assuring him that he “totally” wore them on the moon. “Yeah, these rare, one-of-a-kind socks served me well while I was on the lunar surface,” said the Apollo 11 astronaut to the verifiable chump, holding up a pair of white Hanes crew socks that he recently purchased in an $8 10-pack. “They may look a little dirty, but there was a ton of moon dust, which, in fact, adds to their incomparable value. Honestly, half a mil is an insane deal for these, but you gotta let me know soon since I have a bunch of people who are asking me about them.” At press time, Aldrin told the pathetic sap that he could throw in a $20 Timex watch that he also “wore on the voyage” and make it a bundle deal for $750,000.

Advertisement