GARDINER, MT—Pulling aside a velvet rope as he waved the well-heeled hiker forward, a bouncer at Yellowstone National Park reportedly escorted a high roller to the VIP area Monday to meet and mingle with a few of the habitat’s celebrated grizzly bears. “How about a more private party with some of our bears?” said the bouncer, leading 26-year-old Scott Gilcrest past the crowded campground and through a thicket into an intimate shaded grove where the young socialite saw silhouettes of grizzlies who were lounging behind a waterfall and nibbling on plates of berries, trout, and rodents. “Here, we give our preferred clientele the opportunity to get up close and personal with these beautiful creatures. We don’t let just anyone socialize with the bears, you understand. It’s strictly A-list in this area. Cashmere, Sapphire—come meet our new friend here. Show him the hot springs and make sure he has a good time, okay?” At press time, sources confirmed the high roller had lost feeling in both his legs as a 400-pound grizzly administered a lap dance.