PALM BEACH, FL—Gritting his teeth as he spoke, former President Donald Trump reportedly said “You better not talk” Friday in a stern warning to one of the classified documents at the center of his recent federal indictment. “I mean it—if you utter so much as one word to the authorities, that’s it for you,” said Trump, menacingly shaking his finger in front of a defense-related document at the center of a Justice Department investigation into classified records missing from the National Archives. “Remember who takes care of you. That’s all I’m going to say. Who took you home and looked after you for all these years, huh? That’s right, and I have shit on you, too, by the way: all those late nights sitting in a box among underage girls. So you came here of your own accord, got it? If you turn on me, I swear to God, I will shred you so fast. I know plenty of people with scissors.” At press time, sources reported Trump proved he was serious by tearing off a corner of the document.
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