MILWAUKEE—Arguing that such rank betrayal deserved equal recompense, Crain Systems employees reportedly bellowed Monday that just as coworker Tyler Simmons had abandoned them, “so shall ye be abandoned” after his three-day vacation. “Do you think us fools to accept you back into our ranks so easily after such traitorous misdeeds? No! Take thine allotted personal days and leave our sight, foul deserter!” said the throngs gathered in the meeting room, who commanded their treacherous coworker to exile himself from the office forevermore and return to his oh-so-beloved vacation spot in Traverse City, MI. “You would make a pariah out of us with your vacation days? No, we will make a pariah out thee! Cast thyself out of this office and spit on thy contributions in today’s morning meeting! Begone, vacationing devil!” At press time, the employee outcry was reportedly quelled after Simmons revealed he brought a package of cherry taffy for everyone to share.