SAN DIEGO—Proudly dusting off his hands and slamming the door shut, local police officer Jason McCabe reportedly said “You’re going away for a long time” Thursday after successfully locking up a rape kit. “You’re never getting out of here, not on my watch,” said the 10-year police force veteran, who threatened to throw away the key as he double-checked the bolt on the evidence storage room door to confirm that neither the rape kit nor any of the other thousands of untested sexual assault kits locked away in the facility would see the light of day. “You think you’re going to leave here before the statute of limitations expires? Fat chance, buddy. You’re right where you belong. I hope you rot here, you sick bastard.” At press time, McCabe had returned to rough up the rape kit for good measure.