RUTLAND, VT—After he clicked at blinding speed through recommended videos touting election conspiracy theories, holocaust denial, and outright ethnic cleansing, sources confirmed Thursday that local YouTube speedrunner James Flannery had become a full-blown fascist in record time. According to reports, the speedrun, which took only three minutes and four seconds, began when Flannery opened the video-streaming platform, watched a neutral, 10-second news clip, and then immediately clicked through over 80 pieces of algorithm-suggested content made by various extremist influencers, many with titles like “The Truth About Grooming,” “Why The Aryan Bloodline Matters,” and “The Dangers Of Female Consent.” Though Flannery came in with far more moderate political beliefs than his competition, sources said that by the 30-second mark, he had already begun publicly advocating for genocide, slavery, and eugenics; spent over $10,000 on Patreon memberships, dietary supplements, and black-market erectile dysfunction drugs; and given himself several prominent neo-Nazi tattoos. At press time, Flannery could not be reached for comment, but livestream footage showed him opening his laptop, beginning a second YouTube speedrun, and immediately getting arrested for possession of child pornography.
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