SEATTLE—Deciding against interrupting the actually quite gripping call on marketing and customer research, local Zoom crasher Mike Gromer reportedly became too engrossed in a sales meeting Wednesday to scream obscenities. “I planned on barging in and shouting a bunch of white supremacist stuff, but they were discussing strategies for increasing brand awareness among the coveted 18-34 demographic, and I stopped dead in my tracks,” said a naked Gromer as he lowered his penis away from the camera, explaining that he totally forgot about his intentions to screen share incredibly disturbing hardcore pornography the second he heard the marketing team reveal their sales targets and tactics. “I just got so wrapped up in Lydia’s PowerPoint presentation outlining their Q4 projections that it didn’t even dawn on me that I hadn’t gotten around to calling all the women ‘cunts’ and the men ‘dickless beta cucks.’ Wow, I’m expecting big things from this team. I should probably just turn off my camera so the giant swastika doesn’t distract from these B2B figures.” At press time, a quietly masturbating Gromer had been promoted to Southwest regional account manager for his invaluable contributions during the meeting.
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